Once upon a time, there lived a bird named Nighthawk. And, well, he was a real shitty bird. His legs were scrawny, his beak was crooked, his face was freckled… He’d fly by and the other birds would say “Ew, is that even a bird? Looks more like a frog to me!” Which made the frogs go “Hey, that’s offensive! Like I know that we’re not the prettiest, but he’s way worse.” Like I said, he was a D-minus bird all around.
And he wasn’t even a hawk either! I think his closest relative was the kingfisher, which is also a pretty fruity bird as it goes. Nothing like a real hawk.
Needless to say Nighthawk didn’t have a very happy life. But, of course, for him it could only get worse. One day, as he was just waking up, he heard a ear-splitting screech. Panicked, Nighthawk ran outside and looked up to find its source. It was him. Hawk, the king of all the birds. And Hawk was coming right for him.
He swooped in to Nighthawk’s home, struck a pose, then pulled up a chair. Hawk began nonchalantly. “So I have a tiny problem here, and I think you could help me out, see?”
Nighthawk was scared to death, but Hawk kept going anyway. “Look, I’m a big deal here. I gotta keep my rep up. When people see me swoop by, I want them to think like, boom. Hawk.
“Which is where you come in. Because when you fly by, people say ewww, Nighthawk… But they gotta say the word Hawk (boom) to say Nighthawk (ewww). And that’s not good for my brand, you know? If people start thinking about me like ewww then I’m done for. We can’t have that.”
Nighthawk scraped up all of his determination to force out a few words, “But what can I do?”
“It’s easy! All you have to do,” replied Hawk, “is change your name! It’s as simple as that.”
“But I can’t do that!”
Hawk cleaned a bit of flesh out of his teeth. “It’s not that hard you know. First step is coming up with a new name—something that fits the real you. Maybe… Gerald, if you can’t think of anything better.”
Nighthawk kept silent as Hawk leaned back in thought. “…ewww, Gerald… Yep I think that’ll work just fine. After that you just need to tell people about your name change and get them to spread the word too. Maybe wear a name tag around. To break the ice.”
“Wait, no!” Nighthawk blurted out. “God gave me this name!”
“Ehh I think God was just feeling lazy that day. Or, you know, He probably couldn’t stop thinking about me, and how cool I am, and accidentally slipped up while naming the next bird on the list. I could see that. Yep.”
Nighthawk was speechless. Satisfied, Hawk got up and headed toward the door. “So yeah. Gerald. Think about it, K? And remember,” Hawk looked back, “if you don’t, I’llll kill ya!” And he jetted off into the evening sun.
Lilly tied a blade of grass into a knot and looked back up at her narrator, Jandek. The sun intermingled with his hair, turning it golden too. “You look bored,” he said with a hint of concern in his voice.
“No, it’s not that,” she lazily replied. “I just don’t know where you’re going with this.”
He walked over to the tree she was resting beneath and sat down. The shade stole the sun from his hair, melting its fire away into dull coals. “Well, it seemed like you might be able to identify with him.”
“Like I’m the shitty bird?”
Jandek chose his words carefully, drawling out each one as it came to him. “I don’t… wanna say that, …but more like his situation is similar to yours. It’ll make more sense by the end maybe.”
“Does it get better?” she replied.
“Not really. But maybe that’s alright. Umm, so let’s see…”
Nighthawk stood there, paralyzed with fear. He refused to give up his name, no matter what. Yet he couldn’t let himself be killed! In the end, he decided that his only option was to run far, far away, to a place where nobody knew Hawk’s name.
He left that very night, with nothing on his back and no clear destination. He traveled all through the night, and just before the sun arose, he realized that he hadn’t eaten in days. He fixed his eye on a swarm of nearby bugs, and swooped in to nab them right out of the air. He ate one, then two, and as the third one wriggled for life inside his throat, horror seized him and he fell to the ground. So I’m no better than that wretched Hawk, he thought, killing these innocent bugs just as Hawk would kill me. Yet what could he do? Killing was in his nature. That’s what he was made to do.
Nighthawk realized that the only solution to this dilemma involved changing his nature. And after some thought, he decided that he wanted to become a star. You know, a literal star in the sky.
“A ball of gas.”
“Yes,” said Jandek, “but a ball of gas that burns forever.”
Nighthawk swore off eating, and every night he flew up to the sky and asked the stars if they would take him in as one of their own. And every night he was rejected.
No, you need money to become a star, said one. No, you’re a nobody, said another, and if you became a star then nobody would ever take you seriously. A third asked how long he’d been trying, and when he replied with three days, he was rejected as well. No, stardom is only given to those who persist for decades. Are you sure this isn’t just a phase?
Tears began to well up in Lilly’s eyes.
The rejections bore down upon him. His strength began to fail him. He knew death was waiting, but he had to give it one more shot. Nighthawk took to the sky for the very last time and gave it his all. He flapped as hard as he could, determined to break through to the heavens on the power of his own two wings.
It wasn’t enough. All of his muscles gave out at once. He couldn’t move at all; his body had betrayed him. He could feel himself falling, falling back toward the earth. With his dying breath, he screamed out for someone—anyone—to save him. And his lifeless body fell away.
But it never touched the ground. Moved by his determination, Cassiopeia took pity on him. She caught him, and held him, and drew him up to the heavens as a star. Nighthawk was given a place right beside her where he could shine forever, and to this day you can look up and see him in the sky.
“So in order to redeem his existence… he needed to die.”
“But for you, perhaps, redemption—even immortality—is possible.”
“You demon! I don’t care about that! I just want to be happy! That’s it!” Like everyone else, she muttered under her breath. Like you.
Lilly walked away. She felt cheated. And then she woke up, brushed her teeth, took her pills, and took to the sky once more.
the nighthawk star is basically the worst story, really. everyone hates him for who he is, he is pressured to change his name, he refuses, decides to change who he is into a more immortal form, and sacrifices his life for the sake of his name.
i wanted to read this as a trans narrative so, so bad. but really i think this is totally nationalist death-before-dishonor shit. he needed to die to redeem his existence! whereas everyone else seemed to do just fine as themselves.
redemption required transformation. he couldn’t be himself and be happy, and was caught between one change or another. he had to lose something.
and this is meant for children! this is the worst story to tell children.
the story is garbage and this is garbage and i feel like i totally choked any life and joy out of the story through revision.
at least eiko’s is pretty ok.